Sam vs The Hole
by Allergic2All
Summary: More hilarity and hijinx from the land of middle-earth. Sam gets stuck in a hole, and doesn't know how to get out! Oh you crazy hobbits, what wild misadventures will you get into next? Plot may seem familiar.....


"My, this tea is rather nice," Sam smiled, taking another gracious sip from the pink and green porcelain cup before him.  
  
"Happy to see you're enjoying it. Another cup?" Frodo asked, holding up the kettle.  
  
"How could I say no to you." Both laughed and Frodo happily filled another cup. It was a fine Wednesday morning the day Frodo and Sam sat down for tea. The sun was shining warmly, and there was a cool spring breeze in the air wafting through the open kitchen window of Bag End. Birds were chirping, the lilies and roses were in full bloom. Frodo congratulated Sam on another beautiful spring blossoms.  
  
"'Tis nothing Master Frodo," Sam beamed. He was happy to hear Frodo take note of all his hard work.  
  
"Oh Sam," Frodo sighed, starring out the window, "I don't think anything could ruin this lovely morning." Sam nodded in agreement. "Just look out there, all of Middle-Earth is full of life! I can't remember the last time I enjoyed looking out my window so much. And to sit here and enjoy tea with my favorite gardener, well, who could ask for anything more?"  
  
"Not I," Sam replied.  
  
"Quite right, more tea?"  
  
The hours of drinking and chatting wore on until noon, when Sam decided to head out for his chores.  
  
"I'll be back for onezies," he said standing up.  
  
"Here, here Sam, let me get the front door for you." Frodo stood up, but Sam held up his hand.  
  
"I saw a small burrow leading outward towards the back. It will take me less time to get to my tools if I head out that way, plus you needn't bother yourself with me." Sam smiled.  
  
"No one's used that burrow for years," Frodo said quietly, "I believe it was your dad who dug it first."  
  
"Well all the more reason for me to take it. Afternoon Master Frodo."  
  
"Afternoon Sam, lovely having tea with you!"  
  
Sam studied the burrow. It was about a foot off the ground about a foot deep and awfully small, with bits of root sticking out at all angles.  
  
"No one's been around to tend this aye?" Sam said, making a note to do that later. Carefully as he could, the young hobbit crawled up into the little hole, pushing and struggling all the way. With his head out in the day light and his rear still in the burrow, Sam came upon an alarming discovery. He was stuck. Kicking his feet madly, he called for help. "Frodo! Master Frodo help me!"  
  
Moments latter, Frodo came running up from the front of the house.  
  
"Sam, what happened to you?" The confused little hobbit asked.  
  
"Seems I may be stuck. Frodo, help me out please." Frodo nodded and took Sam's hands. Using all his strength, Frodo pulled and pulled, but it did no good. Sam didn't budge.  
  
"I'm afraid you're stuck in there for good," Frodo said. Sam gave a heavy sigh.  
  
"I though I could have fit. Oh Frodo, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Don't worry about it yet, maybe we can get some help?"  
  
"Oh no!" Sam cried. "Please don't leave here all on my own Mr. Frodo!" "But Sam! If you want to get out of there, you have to let me go and find someone!" Frodo was feeling a bit impatient now. He truly didn't want Sam's fat rump up on the wall next to his paintings and dishes. "I suppose we can wait for someone to come by and help, maybe Merry and Pip?"  
  
"Oh not those two!" Sam cried out, "I'd never hear the end of it if they saw me stuck like this!"  
  
"I suppose we can wait for Gandalf then, he sent a letter saying he'd be visiting soon. That all right?"  
  
"Yes," Sam replied quietly. He didn't look forward to meeting to old wizard stuck like a pig in Frodo's burrow, but it was far better than having that Merryadoc seeing him like this.  
  
"In the mean time," Frodo said, scratching his chin, "I'll have to fins some way to make this easier on the both of us. Be right back Sam, want to see how it looks on the other end."  
  
"Oh Mr. Frodo, while you're in there could you possible get some snacks for me?" Sam asked wide eyed.  
  
"'Fraid not old friend. Might be best if you didn't eat at all until we get you out of there!"  
  
Frodo shook his head in dismay, it was worse than he thought. He had never realized before how large Sam's ass truly was.  
  
"What am I to do with this now?" He said, thinking out loud. He had to somehow cover it up. His first idea was to make into a sort of shelf. Picking out an old scarf and some knick knacks, he carefully balanced them on Sam's behind and assessed his work from afar. It was clear after not to long that a splash of color and a potted plant wouldn't do.  
  
"Mr. Frodo?" came a muffled voice, "what are you doin' back there?"  
  
"Nothing!" Frodo called back, quickly removing the items. They simply wouldn't do. But yet another idea Mr. Baggins, and as quickly as he could, he was out the door and fumbling about in his woodpile.  
  
"Here we are," he said, beaming as he held two thin and long twigs in his hand. Their ends were nicely tapered, breaking of into several smaller twigs like a flimsy bouquet. Frodo carefully shoved on of the branches into the earth on either side of Sam so that they stuck out upward toward the ceiling. Then, with a Sharpie, he began to draw a face on Sam's behind.  
  
"Ho now, that tickles!" Sam called back.  
  
"Careful now! I'm trying to do the mouth, don't shake too much or you're rear will have a crooked mouth!" But Sam couldn't help but to giggle, and Frodo could help the pen skewing of half way through the mouth.  
  
"Ugh, that's horrible!" Frodo cried, looking at the lopsided face. "It'll have to do for now though. Wish you could see this Sam, you're rump is now a moose!"  
  
"A moose?" Sam called back. "Of all the things Mr. Frodo, a moose?"  
  
"Well, you aren't really zebra material you know. Plus, the moose works with my décor."  
  
"Screw your décor, my ass is a moose! Couldn't you have picked a more dignified animal?"  
  
"Sam, you're stuck in a hole with your ass hanging out in my dinning room, where I eat may I remind you!" Sam shut up after that.  
  
More to come, naturally Merry and Pippin have to come along and have a little fun. My stories just aren't complete w/o those two. 


End file.
